'I am not a Weather-ist'

(Image: Pixabay)

(Image: Pixabay)

There are nonconformists, racists and sexists; ageists, altruists and anarchists; cosmetologists, columnists and creationists; and so much more. As Dr. Seuss might have said, "The lists of -ists are hard to miss, it cannot be dismissed how many exist." (That's believable enough, right?) But here, today, right now, we are going to set aside all those other -ists and focus on one that I might have just made up: the weather-ist.

What is a weather-ist, you might ask. And if you did, I would be inclined to tell you that the term has no identifiable origin -- other than the inner machinations of my mind -- but can pretty straightforwardly be defined as someone who discriminates against certain types of weather. A weather-ist might even be so bold as to bad mouth an entire season (!!). Weather-ists are those individuals who take to Twitter or other forms of social media and air their complaints about Mother Nature and her mysterious ways for all the world to see -- and expect the world to care, which it does not.

I am not a weather-ist and you should not be either. Know why? Because then you might get on Facebook or Twitter and say something like "IT IS SO HOT OUT TODAY, I CAN'T EVEN," and us non-weather-ists will see your post and quietly shake our heads in disdain and might be tempted to drag up that tweet you posted from six months ago which said something like "It's so cold out the wind hurts my face. Can it be summer yet?" and you would have to hang your own head in shame for being such a hypocrite, also known as a weather-ist, which, clearly, is a designation to be avoided.

But we, as non-weather-ists and decent human beings, would refrain from pointing out your weather-ist ways so as not to embarrass you in the social sphere. However, we would also lose respect for you as a person and keep a wary eye out for your weather-ist, hypocritical, lying, conniving, underhanded, dirty, low-down social media posts from there on out, taking anything you say with a grain of salt.

For instance, after proving yourself a weather-ist, you might post "Had lunch with my mom today at the cool new sushi place downtown!! SO GOOD! You have to try it!" along with a photo of the Japanese-inspired dish you enjoyed, and us non-weather-ists would see this, scratch our noggins, and instantaneously produce a list of queries regarding your supposed outing: I don't remember (insert weather-ist's name here) being a fan of sushi; what is s/he trying to prove? Did s/he find that picture on an image sharing website or popular Instagram foodie account and try to pass it off as their own photo? Didn't s/he post "I hate people" that one time? Why is s/he having lunch with anyone?

And the list could go on, but let's quit with the hypotheticals and leave you with the point: all seasons and all types of weather deserve to be treated with an equal amount of respect and appreciation. It's snowing outside? My gosh, look at those beautiful flakes of fluff. The sun's a little hot? Put on some sunscreen and enjoy that natural sauna. The rain's coming down? Man, that's...

Actually I hate the rain. And spring kind of sucks. F*ck, there goes the whole thing.